Heavy Metal

I finished counting and rolling those coins today. It came out to $621 and some leftovers that weren’t enough to fill their own sleeves. That’s about 53 pounds worth of coins. I can’t wait to drop those off at the bank tomorrow.

We went out to Don Ford’s farm tonight. He’s an old friend of my fathers and he bought a horse farm a couple of years ago. I’ve only been there twice but the rest of the family has gone more often. My sister loves it because she gets to ride horses for awhile outside of a tightly structured environment. Personally, I liked going because I saw Don’s wife and daughter for the first time in years. Damn they are hot. I don’t know how a shlub like him hooked a hottie like her and had offspring that sexy. I felt bad though to find out that his daughter is only 13-14 years old. She doesn’t look it.

My dad bought an ounce of weed of him and tried to get me to smoke with him when we got back. He seemed offended when I didn’t want to. I would rather not get high with my dad. I’m still super-pissed at him about my birthday and it would just be weird. Besides, I’m not supposed to smoke because of my mouth. I can’t believe he was being so blatant about it.

Long Day and Night

I had a few close calls this afternoon. My father has taken this week off of work so I’m pretty much working on his projects until vacation. Today, we started taking down a tree. It had lost some big sections in a previous storm and the trunk is kind of rotten. We have to take it down before it decides to give way and clobber the satellite dish. It wasn’t really hard work, just tiring. Mostly we used a saw on a giant pole to take off a bunch of limbs. A couple of times, when the branch came down, there was some excitement. It would shift and look like it was going to hit me which would suck since I was on a ladder at the time. The closest anything came though was a few leaves brushing me. Most of the tree is still up, but we’ll probably fell the trunk tomorrow.

After eating crabs and watching TV for a couple of hours, I got involved in a second little project. Every day, my parents throw all their change into a big bucket. We usually take the whole thing over to coin star and get some cash for it but I’m counting and rolling it this year. I love that kind of OCD type activity. Sitting in front of a huge pile of coins and sorting them into their respective denominations is like working on a puzzle for me. There was a shit-load. I did a good amount of rolling too. I finished up the dimes and nickels and wound up with $130 and $32 respectively. I ran out of quarter wrappers but made it up to $330. There have still got to be at least $250 left in quarters to do. If I get more tubes, I should finish tomorrow. I was just sitting there doing it over and over again without thinking about it. Sometimes a repetitive task can be fun and profitable.

Where Do They Find That Stuff?

This morning I went to a gun show. In Virginia. That alone should clue you in to the levels of rampant lunacy and conservatism I witnessed. For starters, I would like to say that I only went because some friends were going and one of them is dying of cancer. He wants to go to a gun show, I’ll come along for the ride. Anyway, we get there early in the morning and their is a line to get inside. Once we get through the door, the first thing my notice is the massive amount of Nazi crap. I’m talking knives, guns, helmets, hats, uniforms, GRENADES; the works. I know it’s history and stuff but I don’t see how any self-respecting person can sell that crap. I even saw a pair of boots that had been made in a concentration camp out of a blanket. It takes stones and a lack of conscience to deal in that merchandise.

The guns were nuts. I saw so many AR-15s and Uzis. I saw two real P-90s. Those are hot but how is that legal. The .50 cal Barrett was pretty fucking scary too. I didn’t mind seeing things like rifles and shotguns but what do you need a fucking P-90 for? The guy who was selling it seemed nice enough for a raving lunatic. In the space of 30 seconds he called people from Maryland communists because they made automatic weapons illegal and he voiced his opinion that teachers should be allowed to carry guns in classrooms. While he is entitled to those beliefs, as a Virginia Tech student, I have certain beliefs of my own abouts guns and schools. I almost told him to STFU but he was surrounded by lots and lots of guns.

The rest of it was actually pretty standard. A shitload of knives and a shitload of guns. Some of them were crazy expensive. $40,000 is alot of money, even for an authentic tommy gun. Nobody really bought anything aside from a box of ammo. It was just really strange to see a couple thousand people openly carrying guns. I didn’t want to make any sudden moves.

Thats Somewhat Better

Didn’t do much besides eat today. Alot of the same old slop (pudding and yogurt) but I was able to eat warm stuff today. I had half a PB&J sandwich, some leftover tortellini, beef tips in gravy, mashed potatoes, and peas. Most of that wasn’t at the same time. I can apparently do just fine as long as I chew with my front teeth. It’s a pain but it’s better then cold goo.

Like I said, I didn’t do much today. I have to get up early tomorrow to go to a gun show. That should be interesting, my father and I around hundreds of weapons. I wonder who’ll make it home. Really, my days right now are mostly laying around reading the same websites and surfing the net. I watch new anime depending on what day it is. I can’t wait to get back to Tech and do something.

Currently listening to: “Adlai Stevenson” by Sufjan Stevens

So Fucking Hungry

I didn’t get to post again last night because of my bad connection. It’s a shame because I’ve been having an interesting couple of days. Yesterday afternoon, I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. That was something. They had been bothering me for alittle while. Nothing serious but just kinda annoying. Anyway, I go in to have them pulled. They put in the chair, put this huge rubber bit in my mouth, a gas mask on my nose, and then try to hook me up to IV pain meds. I say try because apparently they screwed up the first time. I could turn my head to see or speak to ask what was wrong but the nurse seemed alarmed so they took it out and reinserted the needle. After that it’s all kinda a blur. I don’t remember much except I seemed to have been talking.

When I came to, I felt pretty good. My mouth was packed with gauze and I couldn’t really speak but it didn’t hurt and I was able to get around ok. I was apparently pretty talkative afterwards but I don’t remember it being any more then normal. They really hooked me up with the drugs though. They gave me antibiotics, anti-nausea, anti-inflammatories, and 2 different types of pain pills. They gave me vicodin and percocet. I haven’t had to use them yet and any that I don’t take, I might try to sell to a friend of mine when I get back to Tech. Anyway, it was weird yesterday. My lower lip and check were crazy numb for the rest of the day. I couldn’t feel a thing.

That was gone when I woke up this morning. Today, I’ve just got some slight swelling on one side and occasional taste of blood. It doesn’t hurt at all. The only really bad thing though is that I can’t really eat solid foods. I’ve been eating nothing but pudding, yogurt, and jello for the past two days. I’m fucking starving. According to the doctor’s sheet, I should be able to eat softer things like pasta and eggs tomorrow. I can’t wait because I can’t stand this cold snack food any more. I want warm food! I’m gonna gorge myself on solid foods tomorrow. No more gelatinous crap.

I’m so fucking hungry.

Sweaty and Blurry

Today I was active. I mowed both lawns which was tiring. I even went over the really bad spots with the bagger so that their wouldn’t be clumps. It was good to be out doing that kind of stuff. I also used it as an opportunity to wash some of the bird crap off my car. Once I get back to tech, it won’t be a problem because my complex parking lot doesn’t have any overhanging trees. I wish I could hunt down any of the offending little bastards and punish them for defiling my car.

My afternoon was spent in the eye doctor’s office again. My new glasses never got any better so I went back in to get a new prescription. They seemed to mess around and take forever tonight. Most of the time, they kept giving me back the bad lenses and asking if they were any better. Of course they weren’t, you haven’t changed anything. Finally, they dilated my eyes and that apparently relaxed a muscle or something which created a new prescription. I hope these ones are good without my requiring constant dilation. Everyone seemed to make a big deal about the dilation. It didn’t change my vision of make me more light sensitive. I couldn’t even tell they were bigger when I looked in the mirror after it happened but everyone seemed to think their had been a change. I hope these new ones work out. I’ve been wearing my old glasses since then and they are much better. Everything is blurry at a distance but it’s perfect mid and short range which is what I need the most.

Gradual Recovery

I’m feeling better today. I still feel all the same stuff as yesterday, it’s just not as intense. I hope to be all better within a week.

Aside from that, nothing going on worth mentioning. Just extremely minor chores and wasting time.

Just As Bad As Before

It’s been two days since my disastrous birthday and I still don’t feel any better. I guess it’s because I just keep thinking about it. According to father, everything that happened was “my own fault”. I guess that’s why everyone is mad at him for ruining the day.

I think I’m starting to slide into a depression over this. Whenever I think about, I have to fight back the urge to cry. I think depression is the reasonable reaction to this whole thing. None of my friends care. I tried talking to Sommer about all this today and just as I got to the part about depression, she signed off without saying goodbye. I help that bitch out with every single little goddamn problem and she never returns the favor. Anyway, none of my friends really care and my family is so fucked up that my father can call me a “useless bastard” and I’m the bad guy. I think when I get back to Tech, I might try the counseling services. It might help me. I’m so fucked up that suicide has been looking more attractive.

I’ve thought about it in the past but it was always more of a theoretical thing. A what if. I always reasoned against it because I couldn’t bear to inflict the pain of a death on any of my friends or family. That deterant isn’t as effective as it used to be. I think that I were to die somehow, most of friends wouldn’t even notice. If I were to magically drop dead tomorrow or get hit by a car or something, in two months, they might ask if anyone has heard from me while getting ready for a party. That would probably be it.

This is one whole vicious fucking circle. I get depressed and then I think of this stuff and that makes me more depressed. I wish I was back at school where I could immerse myself in work and get away all this hatred and misery. I would give anything to never have to come back to this house.

Oh, I could write any of this stuff last night because of a crappy internet connection. It’ll happen from time to time.

The Worlds Worst Birthday

Today I turned 21. It was supposed to be a good, happy day. Instead it was horrible. Early in the afternoon, my father got pissed at me and it ruined everything. He had asked to take a wire brush to some loose paint. I did it. I scraped until no more came off and then I cleaned up after myself. I thought that was that. I went out later to see what he was doing and he started to yell at me because I hadn’t done the job. I had not opened the tool shed to get the materials so I must not have have done anything. I gave my side but I knew better then to engage him in an argument. When he came in after doing the job again, he was super pissed at me for not helping. It’s not my fault he didn’t like the job I had done.

That spoiled the entire day. He was mean and snappy to everyone. No matter how small it was, he would yell at the drop of a hat. When he was around we wouldn’t talk because of the awkwardness he generated. We actually didn’t have dinner on my birthday because he didn’t want to eat with people who didn’t want to talk. My dinner tonight was a pb&j sandwich. How’s that for a birthday? Terrorized like this. The only thing I can think of that I did wrong was that I didn’t stick around to argue with him. That asshole ruined my 21st birthday. I want to hurt him for that. This is the kind of thing that you never forget.

Oh and if that wasn’t enough, none of my friends wished my happy birthday or anything. I heard from 4 people, and only 2 of them were people I had spoken to in the past few years. I didn’t hear from any of my best friends. They really know how to make a guy feel loved. I feel like I should take some sort of drastic action but I don’t know what. I hate my life and most everyone in it.

This Brings Back Memories

A couple of hours ago, it became July 19th: my 21st birthday. I spent most of the 7/18 not really doing much. I went to eye doctor about my new glasses and they said to give them time. Not really anything happened. I spent most of the day bored out of my skull. That changes at midnight.

At about midnight, I went out to find a bar. I didn’t really want to drink just to celebrate alittle. I ended up at the new strip club in Springfield, The Paper Moon. I paid the cover and went in to a scene I pretty much expected. Two small areas for girls to dance, about 8 girls wandering around giving lap dances and a bar. They were playing what must have been pretty standard music and had the flashing lights going. I spend awhile standing at the bar with a Samuel Adams watching the various girls until a seat opened up. Once, I sat down, I had my second beer and hung out.

I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did (about 2 hours) except I saw someone I recognized. I’ll call her MS. I was really friendly with her for alittle while in high school but hadn’t seen or talked to her since graduation if not before. She was looking REALLY good. I saw her give a couple of really good lap dances so I figured I would give it a try. I wasn’t sure if she recognized me since I now have short hair and tattoos and at first she didn’t give any indication that she remembered me. She was pressing her face into my crotch and I think she actually bit my fly. Once she was done doing a REALLY good job, she sat down and asked me my name. I told her and she said that she thought it had been me. We talked for a little while and kinda caught up. It’s kinda awkward to ask about a girls major after she’s made you motorboat her. She told me that she had been stripping in Roanoke for a few years and that I should come in sometime and to drop her a line. She was so hot looking, I might just do that. I’m sure about taking a bunch of guys to the club but I’ll definitely try to IM her. I left not to much later. It was seriously worth it for that dance. The girls were pretty good looking for the most part.

I can’t wait for my birthday proper. If only I wasn’t stuck up here with only my family.